you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize