you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
