we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
