**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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