just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
