i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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