My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
