What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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