A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
