and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
