you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
