I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
