Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
