Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
