im drinking this country out of the recession.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
