If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think my moral compass just broke
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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