My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
