What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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