Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
