My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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