i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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