He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
