you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
