I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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