i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
People with herpes should wear stickers.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
