I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
