i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
