There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
