I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
