i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
