I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize