Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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