I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
