i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
