Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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