I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
