Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
