Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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