so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
