wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
