i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
