I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
