i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
