life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
