My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
