She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
