Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
