Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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