can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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