my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
