i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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