i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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