I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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