I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
