So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
