So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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