he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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