That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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