so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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