Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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