It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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