is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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