What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
