remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
