R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
