your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
