see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My vagina is very pro this idea
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
