I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This baby is an asshole
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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