I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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