We won't sleep together?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
They have beer where we have blood.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
